In Conversation with Luise Guest from White Rabbit Gallery
曠野的溫柔：等候自己的練習
舊約聖經上記載，以色列民族曾經花費四十年走一段實際只需十一天的路程。四十年裡，他們在一山頭不斷繞行而無法前進，路途的風景盡是曠野。
2015-2016年，我走過一段值得紀念的創作曠野期。在這樣一段特別的旅程中，也曾踏過疑惑、憤怒，與疲憊。所有的方法宣告無效後，決定做一件不太熟悉的事——安靜。——當所見一片荒蕪，除了仰望上帝，或者低頭看看自己，其實再沒別的事好做。
接受了需要成長的事實，才終於明白，能讓我前進的，不是一直以來緊抓手中的安全感、專業、或者引以為傲的事。真正能帶我移動的，其實是、也只能是一份深刻不變的愛。這份愛讓我知道，即使不足、不配，卻從來不曾被放棄。
練習著等候自己的時候，看起來什麼都沒有的這裡，又好像什麼都有了。
張開雙手，學習倚賴。「曠野的溫柔」說的是一段走向自由與輕省的過程。
那靠着良人從曠野上來的是誰呢？（雅歌8:5，中文和合本）
Gentleness in the Wilderness: Learn to wait for myself
A long, remarkable journey of Israelites was recorded in the Old Testament— the Israelites spent 40 years on a journey which should have taken only 11 days. Instead of went straight into the Promise Land, the Israelites kept taking detour in wilderness, for 40 years.
I had experienced a similar Wilderness Detour. During 2015-2016, I was stuck in nowhere, I can’t create anything. I was depressed, in doubt, raged, exhausted. I had tried every possible way to get myself out, and when all doors were shut, I turned to one thing that I was not used to -- being still. When I look around and see nothing in the wilderness, I looked up to God, and look down at myself.
Accepting the fact that I need to grow, somehow brought me to the realisation of what I have been clinging to - sense of security, profession, pride, everything that I believe I own - was not the source of strength I need to carry on. I was not as capable as I thought, and the moment I accepted it (which took me almost a year), my eyes was opened. I get to see, it is His everlasting and unchanging love that upholds me, leads me forward. His love, delivered me, covered me and showed me that I was never abandoned or forsaken no matter what happened.
When I learn to wait for myself, in the wilderness, it seems that I own nothing, yet I have everything.
Let go and Let God. Gentleness in the Wilderness is a story about walking into true freedom and liberation.
Who is this I see coming up from the country,
arm in arm with her lover? (MSG)
(Special thanks to Kai-En Su.)